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Alzheimer's Memoirs Parkinson's Disease

January the Bleak

I’m not going to blame January for my bleakness, but my present is bleak and it is January. Hubby passed away on the 16th, just after our 41st anniversary on the 12th and my birthday on the 6th. His suffering from Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s is over, and his passing was peaceful, and for that I am thankful. I’m quite positive he is with the Lord Jesus Christ in Heaven, and for that I rejoice.

Jimmy Leon Coker

However, all that doesn’t make the quietness of the house any louder, the days any busier, the nights any cozier. It’s just me and Stella the dog rattling around this old house now. I am grateful that it’s only 1600 square feet and not 6000.

I don’t have to figure out what to fix for supper and I don’t have to defer to his television choices. I don’t have to do his laundry and I don’t have to clean up his messes. I can vacuum the floors any time I want to without worrying about disturbing him. I can leave the house and not worry about getting home because he needs me. I can eat and sleep whenever I want. This is all because I am alone.

1979

People ask me how I’m doing. I think I’m okay right now. I’ve always said I would be fine alone. I’m an independent person. Will I feel the same way next week? Next month? Next year?

The great hunter

Only God knows what happens next. He knew my fears about not being able to care for Jimmy or afford to pay for care, and that I wouldn’t have to worry about that very long. He knows what tomorrow and the next day and the next year will bring. I trust Him to bring it to pass. I choose not to worry about it. I’m really not alone. He is here with me.

What will I do? I will continue planning Jimmy’s memorial service. I will continue making phone calls to insurance companies, government agencies, and the rest. I will treasure the memories I have of our life together, and I will spend every minute I can with my children and grandchildren. I will thank God every day for blessing me with 41 years with a loyal, devoted, loving man, husband, and father. And I will miss him every minute of every day.

XOXO

A rare snow on our East Texas property just a couple of weeks ago.
Categories
Parkinson's Disease

Thank you, Parkinson’s (with apologies to Jimmy Fallon)

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My husband has Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s Diseases.  At the same time.  Some people say Alzheimer’s with Parkinsonism.  It doesn’t matter what it’s called.  It sucks.  So I’m coming out of the closet with it.  Maybe this will help someone else.  I’m sorry, kids.

Thank you, Parkinson’s. . .

  • for destroying our dreams of retirement.
  • for changing my sweetheart of 41 years into someone I barely recognize.
  • for making me a caregiver.
  • for taking away my strong man.
  • for taking away my handyman, mechanic, and lover.
  • for changing our family dynamic.
  • for giving me the job of keeping up with six doses of medicines per day.
  • for giving me the job of knowing when the dog is bothering him and keeping her away.
  • for giving me the responsibility of getting someone to take care of the yard and home maintenance and repair.
  • for the obligation of pretending that what he is saying is right when I know it is wrong or untrue.
  • for my new job of cleaning the bathroom every day.
  • for the job of listening to reports of his bodily functions and aches and pains.
  • for changing the way I see myself and my husband and our relationship.
  • for taking away things I enjoy because caregiving is more important.
  • for keeping me home when I want to travel, go camping, or see the grandkids and kids.
  • for the knowledge that it won’t get better.
Yet I must add this.  Thank you, God, for being there through the good times and bad, for your Holy Word and your promises to be with us through it all.  

“Casting all your care upon him; for He careth for you.”
1 Peter 5:7

XOXO