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Alzheimer's Memoirs Parkinson's Disease

January the Bleak

I’m not going to blame January for my bleakness, but my present is bleak and it is January. Hubby passed away on the 16th, just after our 41st anniversary on the 12th and my birthday on the 6th. His suffering from Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s is over, and his passing was peaceful, and for that I am thankful. I’m quite positive he is with the Lord Jesus Christ in Heaven, and for that I rejoice.

Jimmy Leon Coker

However, all that doesn’t make the quietness of the house any louder, the days any busier, the nights any cozier. It’s just me and Stella the dog rattling around this old house now. I am grateful that it’s only 1600 square feet and not 6000.

I don’t have to figure out what to fix for supper and I don’t have to defer to his television choices. I don’t have to do his laundry and I don’t have to clean up his messes. I can vacuum the floors any time I want to without worrying about disturbing him. I can leave the house and not worry about getting home because he needs me. I can eat and sleep whenever I want. This is all because I am alone.

1979

People ask me how I’m doing. I think I’m okay right now. I’ve always said I would be fine alone. I’m an independent person. Will I feel the same way next week? Next month? Next year?

The great hunter

Only God knows what happens next. He knew my fears about not being able to care for Jimmy or afford to pay for care, and that I wouldn’t have to worry about that very long. He knows what tomorrow and the next day and the next year will bring. I trust Him to bring it to pass. I choose not to worry about it. I’m really not alone. He is here with me.

What will I do? I will continue planning Jimmy’s memorial service. I will continue making phone calls to insurance companies, government agencies, and the rest. I will treasure the memories I have of our life together, and I will spend every minute I can with my children and grandchildren. I will thank God every day for blessing me with 41 years with a loyal, devoted, loving man, husband, and father. And I will miss him every minute of every day.

XOXO

A rare snow on our East Texas property just a couple of weeks ago.
Categories
Life

Why I’m Sad to See Winter Go

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Disclaimer:  I live in Texas where these are our seasons: 1) almost summer,  2) hotter than H-E-double-hockey-sticks, 3) still summer, and 4) a little cooler than summer.  Keep your snowballs to yourself.  They would just melt before they hit me anyway.

Yes, I’m sad to say goodbye to Old Man Winter.  Spring is threatening everywhere with blooming daffodils, budding azaleas, and people wearing flipflops and shorts in 50-degree weather.  Why am I sad?  Let me count the ways.

1.  Snow.  I’m still waiting!  We haven’t even had a good ice storm this winter!  I’ve got grandchildren who’ve never even seen snowmen in person.  A few years ago we had snow in March.  It’s getting pretty far into March now, though, and no weather person has mentioned any ice storms coming in the near future.

2.  Allergies.  Here, allergy season goes into high gear in the spring.  The weather turns nice, the flowers start blooming, then, just as you start thinking about doing some yard work, that thick yellow stuff called pollen coats everything from vehicles to cows and sends you running back into the house for Kleenex and Chlorpheniramine.  Try sneezing and saying that at the same time.

3.  Boots.  I’ve managed to accumulate several pairs of boots over the years and I really like to wear them.  My toes and roadmaps of veins hide pretty well in boots.  I would even wear them in the summer if they also didn’t serve as ovens in hot weather.  Someone should invent tiny air conditioners for shoes.

4.  Winter clothes.  So much more attractive on older, heavier bodies than skimpy summer styles.  Who wants to see upper arms and legs over 50?  That’s why shrugs and capri pants were invented, people.  But sometimes it gets so hot you just gotta.  I know!  I’m right there with you!  Forget about swimsuits.  Unless you have to take grandkids.  Then what do you do?  You resort to suits with skirts and baggy coverups and hope you don’t have to get in the water, or at least deeper than your ankles.

5.  Blazing fires.  Not a good thing in summertime when the air already feels like you’re standing near a fire.  Great in the winter.  Who doesn’t love a roaring fire in the fireplace or firepit?  You get to wrap up in a blanket and sip on a warm beverage.  Nothing better.  In the summer just stare at the sun or its reflection on car windshields.  But not directly, of course.

That’s about it.  I’ll have to paint my toenails, break out the sandals and capri pants, put the boots and sweaters in storage, and resign myself to another six months of scorching heat.  That’s all right, I suppose.  I’ll try to squeeze in some yard work before the sun burns everything up.  Now where did I put the Flonase and tissue?  Achoo!

How do you feel about winter?

XOXO